One of the first things I tell people who are trying to build a relationship, whether it’s romantic
or platonic, is part of having a good social intelligence quotient (SIQ) is to keep in mind the two
“I’s.” You have to be interested and interesting. People are much more comfortable socially
when they have a good connection with another. These two words are keys to usually opening
up good relationships.
The first part is that if you want a relationship with someone, you have to show interest in what
they are about and what is important to them. Whether it’s sports, music, movies, etc., people
like knowing that the person with whom they are talking is really showing an interest in them.
It makes everyone feel special. Give people your full attention on what they are talking about.
If you are not interested in them, they probably won’t be interested in you.
The second part is that YOU have to be interesting. No one like talking to someone who is
boring to listen to. Of course, you are better off avoiding some topics in some crowds. Some
people are particularly sensitive,, such as politics and/or religion. It’s often best not to engage in
discussion about those topics unless you know your audience. One thing I tell my patients who
want to work on being more interesting is to glance at a news accumulator twice a day and just
gather up some of the topic headlines on international, national, and local news, business
finance, sports, entertainment, technology, science, and health. This should only take about
ten minutes. You don’t have to be an expert, but if you do this every day, you will find you will
be able to have a dialogue with most people on at least one of these topics. By being able to
make commentary in these areas, you are covering at least one topic that most everyone is
Being interested and interesting is an important part in any close relationship, but even more so
when dating and/or becoming more involved with someone. Neglecting either of these two
important “I’s” often leads to the disintegration of what otherwise would be a good
Here’s a great quotation from Dr. Maya Angelou. “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
Improve your SIQ. Be both interested and interesting.
Tikkun Olam- heal the world. Leave it a better place when you leave.