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Interested and Interesting



One of the first things I tell people who are trying to build a relationship, whether it’s romantic

or platonic, is part of having a good social intelligence quotient (SIQ) is to keep in mind the two

“I’s.” You have to be interested and interesting. People are much more comfortable socially

when they have a good connection with another. These two words are keys to usually opening

up good relationships.

The first part is that if you want a relationship with someone, you have to show interest in what

they are about and what is important to them. Whether it’s sports, music, movies, etc., people

like knowing that the person with whom they are talking is really showing an interest in them.

It makes everyone feel special. Give people your full attention on what they are talking about.

If you are not interested in them, they probably won’t be interested in you.

The second part is that YOU have to be interesting. No one like talking to someone who is

boring to listen to. Of course, you are better off avoiding some topics in some crowds. Some

people are particularly sensitive,, such as politics and/or religion. It’s often best not to engage in

discussion about those topics unless you know your audience. One thing I tell my patients who

want to work on being more interesting is to glance at a news accumulator twice a day and just

gather up some of the topic headlines on international, national, and local news, business

finance, sports, entertainment, technology, science, and health. This should only take about

ten minutes. You don’t have to be an expert, but if you do this every day, you will find you will

be able to have a dialogue with most people on at least one of these topics. By being able to

make commentary in these areas, you are covering at least one topic that most everyone is

interested in.

Being interested and interesting is an important part in any close relationship, but even more so

when dating and/or becoming more involved with someone. Neglecting either of these two

important “I’s” often leads to the disintegration of what otherwise would be a good


Here’s a great quotation from Dr. Maya Angelou. “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

Improve your SIQ. Be both interested and interesting.

Tikkun Olam- heal the world. Leave it a better place when you leave.

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